December 30, 2009

First Contact

Filed under: Adoption, Birth mother — adoptation @ 11:57 am

After getting so used to having things move so slowly on the baby front…suddenly things have snapped into fast-forward motion. This morning we got our birth mother’s e-mail address and an invitation to make first contact.

That should be easy enough, right? After all, I’m deft enough with the written word, super-comfortable communicating via e-mail, and used to reaching out to total strangers (between work & sites like Facebook, it happens a lot). So I sat down, opened up a fresh e-mail, and…


It was a strange feeling, not knowing how to begin. I think Hemingway named his fear of the blank page The Great White Bull; until now, I’d never really understood what was so scary about writing those first few words. Of course, there were tons of things I wanted to say—expressions of gratitude, questions about her decision-making process, select info about us—but it seemed nearly impossible to rank these things into some sort of order, nevermind figure out how much was too much and how little was too little.

Luckily, the adoption agency’s booklet about navigating the match process had some tips. Basically: start simple, keep it short, show how excited you are, and just say thanks. Which is what I did. After all, my wife and I are essentially this unknown person’s #1 fans, so all we really needed was a short fan letter, right?

Hopefully, the note I wrote will get the ball rolling (or, really, continue it rolling) in the right direction. Now I’m sitting here like a heartsick teen, staring at the inbox and waiting to hear back from the woman holding our future in her hands & elsewhere.



  1. […] Filed under: Adoption, Birth mother — adoptation @ 2:22 pm Our first contact with our birth mother seems to have gone swimmingly. We sent a short, positive e-mail on Wednesday […]

    Pingback by Blind Date « Adoptation — January 1, 2010 @ 2:22 pm

  2. […] we got The Call. And then we had contact with the baby’s birth mom. And then, fairly quickly, it started to seem […]

    Pingback by Opening the Closed Door « Adoptation — January 12, 2010 @ 8:38 pm

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