January 7, 2010

Manual Override

Filed under: Adoption, Birth mother, Infertility, Preparation, Ultrasound — adoptation @ 8:17 pm

Things continue to be going smoothly with the baby’s birthmom, and my wife and I are finding we can actually turn our thoughts to something we’d never gotten to during the infertility years: being parents.

By which I mean that we’d gotten so stuck in the loop of trying (and failing, and failing…) to create a baby that we never got to talk too much about having a baby in our house and in our lives. At first I guess it seemed like tempting fate to speak aloud of such matters, and eventually it didn’t even make sense to be thinking those kinds of thoughts. We were totally about the baby making, not the baby raising.

Well, it may still be a fate-tempting risk, but this adoption feels real. We’ve even seen an ultrasound that clearly shows the baby—which again caught me by surprise, because I’d forgotten that ultrasounds could show something other than a dot-sized embryo or an empty void.

As I started really, actually thinking about having to care for a real, actual infant, it hit me: we don’t know all that much about it. Pregnant couples invariably get tips from friends, relatives and birthing classes; our friends and relatives knew to steer clear of “the topic” around us, and we certainly never got anywhere near a birthing class. Heck, we even stopped watching TV shows with baby-based storylines. So on a lot of the basics, we’re way behind.

Do babies come with an operator’s manual? Something tells me they don’t…so I just ordered one.

I picked Heading Home With Your Newborn: From Birth to Reality. The description sounds like it’s just what we need (basically, an overview of what you need to know for the first few months, with diagrams), plus the title really appealed to me; Heading Home seems like a good fit for the adoption process, since the first real thing we’ll be doing as parents is just that. Buying a book like this feels like a huge, immeasurable step…and confirms for me that this time, for the first time, I really believe that this is going to have a good ending.



  1. i took a combo lesson from the pediatrician, What to Expect in the First Year, and one of the BabyWhisperer books. And of course EVERYONE has advice when you bring baby home. So you plow through it, you try what works for you/what doesn;t and you follow your gut. Its quite an adventure! (but a fun one!)

    Comment by M. — January 7, 2010 @ 10:09 pm

    • I figure it’ll all work out…though I’m clearly going to have to avoid the default strategy for learning a new gadget: take it out of the box, start pushing buttons and see what happens…

      Comment by adoptation — January 8, 2010 @ 10:15 am

  2. That’s EXACTLY how it works, only squishier! 🙂

    Comment by M. — January 8, 2010 @ 12:17 pm

  3. […] makes our currently foreseeable end point all the more relieving. Our copy of Heading Home With Your Newborn showed up in the mail today, too, and I’m looking forward to more happy arrivals. The baby […]

    Pingback by In the Mail « Adoptation — January 21, 2010 @ 7:54 pm

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